It is has been far too long since I posted. Last time I just turned 21 and since then I passed the West-E, finished fall quarter, had a great and relaxing Christmas break and am now coming up to the midterms of winter quarter. Oh, winter quarter. Looooong sigh! It has been very gray and dreary literally, mentally, and emotionally. I had hoped after such an amazing summer that I would not repeat the misery of last winter and in many ways it is better and different but some aspects are still not so fun. I have really struggled with some big questions such as "what am I doing with my life????" I have had serious second thoughts of my major and career choice. But, being only 1 class away from my major completed and student teaching left for certification I realized it was impractical to make any drastic changes right now. I re-applied to work at CBCC this coming summer and after a weekend reunion with the summer staff I got very excited about it again. I currently volunteer every other Sunday helping with 3yr-old Sunday School at my church and I love it. Some frequent babysitting also helps me get my adorable little-kids fix. :)
Today was very blah until the last hour and then God shifted my teeter-totter again. In my Young Adult Lit class we have been reading books about WWII and the Holocaust and then today we watched Life is Beautiful. VERY good movie but also very sad. I was speechless after watching and couldn't participate in the discussion. Certainly not what I needed on an already blah and gray day, but I think there was a good reason. So, within the last hour, my day got considerably better because of my great Bible study. It's such a blessing to be able to open up and fellowship and pray with other Christian girls. Then I practiced guitar and have been listening to some Barlow Girl. I love music and believe it is very therapeutic. Certain songs have really impacted me and helped me through different times both good and bad. Tonight at Bible study I started thinking of one particular song that I wanted to listen to as soon as I got back. It's called "I Believe in Love" by Barlow Girl and based off an inscription found carved into a cellar wall by Jews hiding during the Holocaust.
The lyrics of the chorus are:
"I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining. I believe in love, even when I can't feel it. And I believe in God, even when He is silent." It's a really beautiful song if you want to listen to it on YouTube. I think this was such a God thing how this song tied into my class experience today and then with how I've been feeling about the weather and my life and such.
I don't know what tomorrow holds, I don't know what God's plan is for me, and sometime it's rougher than others, but, I still believe.